Sunday, April 6, 2014

Part 2: Choose to....what?!

*I haven't shared anything on my blog for a while because I needed to take a breather. It's been hard sharing about these things especially when I am still involved in the process. To protect the process of recovery, I didn't share anything on my blog for a while. But now, I am ready to share more and through out time, I will complete my story.

I had three options:
1) return back to the Japan Tokyo Mission when I'm ready
2) be reassigned to a new mission
3) be honorably released

I had every intention of returning back to the mission field. I told everyone in the mission, including my mission president, that it was going to return back to the mission field. There was no way that I was NOT going to come back to Japan! But I will be honest, after I knelt down to pray to know if I should go home, I already had the feeling that I wasn't going to return to Japan as a missionary. 

My suspicions were correct. I remember being in the temple one night, being home for almost a month. I sat in the most sacred room in the temple, the Celestial room, and pondered and prayed.

"Heavenly Father, what wouldst thou have me do? Am I going back to Japan or going to another mission, or am I done?"

In a very clear voice, I heard the voice of The Lord saying, "You are done." In that very moment, I decided that I would follow The Lord's will for me and the result was pure peace, something that I searched for my entire mission.

Since returning home my parents helped me to gain more peace and direction in my life. They got me a shrink :) #hallatotheshrink

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Part 1

I decided to come home. I made the choice and it was a hard one for me because I wasn't so sure that I would be going back to Japan.

I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety. I couldn't handle it anymore in the field. It took me over.

Physically: I lost my appetite and because of that, I lost a lot of weight. I cried every single day. I couldn't get up on time in the morning and exercise. I just sat in bed and cried. I blacked out in the shower. I had a lot of aches and pains. I slept all day but couldn't sleep at all at night, even though I was overly exhausted.

Mentally: I couldn't remember things. There was no ability for me to focus. I couldn't think straight on anything. While sitting in church, meetings, or anything that required my attention, I would just sit there like a warm body. I had very negative thoughts about myself.

Emotionally: I felt sad 24/7. I would laugh once in a while but I wasn't smiling as much as a I used to. I wanted to feel happy but just...I just couldn't. I felt held down, restricted, confined. I was scared. I felt lost and very alone. My companion was with my 24/7 but at the same time, I felt like no one was around me, nor could anyone help me. I felt abandoned. My heart ached.

Spiritually: I never prayed more desperately in my entire life. Most of the time as a I sat in my room and prayed. I prayed day and night, without ceasing.

I prayed with all the energy of my heart, asking Heavenly Father what I should do about my situation. I wanted Him to change my circumstances, make me healthy again so that I could do missionary work. But I knew in my heart, that Heavenly Father had a different plan for me. I'll never forget the feeling I had as I knelt down and asked Heavenly Father, in prayer, if I was supposed to go home. Peace ran all over my body. I knew that this was my answer. So, I came home.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Nitty Gritty

HELLO, WORLD! How are you...Ok, forget that. "Let's get down to the Nitty Griiiiity" (Nacho Libre, my man!) -

In my Church culture, I would be known as "the missionary who came home early" and there is a negative connotation that comes with it. But I KNOW in God's eyes, I came home in His perfect timing. There you go. I said it. I came home early and I've made the choice to stay home. I am an honorable Return Sister Missionary.

I feel like my story and my experiences as a missionary and as a daughter of God could help a lot of other people, whether they be missionaries who are about to go out, people thinking about going on missions, return missionaries, EARLY return missionaries, parents, children, ANYBODY. I feel like my story could help someone and if it be you, GREAT! If not, maybe this could help someone that you know who could really use this story for help and strength. All I hope and pray for is that someone will benefit from my story. This is just the first post of many.

I bear testimony that God lives and that He loves each and everyone of us! I know that He loves me :) Not only do I know it, I feel it, and I am starting to understand it even more in my 21 years of age. This whole experience of being a missionary and as a missionary that came home early has been, by far, THE CRAZIEST RIDE OF MY LIFE! I NEVER expected these things to happen. NEVER! But I understand that "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28). And you know what?! I will say that it is HARD and sometimes, straight up SCARY, following our Heavenly Father's will. From everything I have learned throughout this journey, "I [will] speak with boldness,...for I fear not what man can do, for perfect love casteth out all fear" (Moroni 8:16).


Sister Miyamoto Loretta Wilson, R.M.

THROWBACK: Me + Tokyo = M.F.E.O. (made for each other)

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Week 22: ...Doing Much Good? AND Week 23: Sweet Caroline!

Week 22: ....Doing much good?

I just felt like sharing this scripture this week:
"...for he that is COMPELLED IN ALL THINGS, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward. Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much RIGHTEOUSNESS. For the power is in THEM, wherein they are AGENTS UNTO THEMSELVES. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward." D&C 58:26-28

Imagine the Savior. When he would walk the streets in Jerusalem, he would walk around doing about MUCH GOOD. He stopped to help people, he served others, he preached his gospel, he did about much good! I can't imagine him running around being busy trying to get a lot of things done. Our Savior lived EVERY DAY WITH PURPOSE! Every step he took around town was with a purpose "to bring to pass much righteousness." (Study President Utchtdorf's talk "Of Regrest and Resolutions") Are you really busy? Is it busy with doing good? Or are you busy with things that don't matter or that don't bless your life?
If the Savior can live everyday with a purpose, so can we. I can testify that if you want to know why you are where you are or if you need guidance in your life, ask our Heavenly Father and He will guide you. I promise that He lives and loves you! You are His child. I challenge you all to fill your days with a lot of good. Don't waste your time participating in things that don't matter! Sacrifice your time and talents and energy into doing good! Into strengthening Zion and serving other people! (Study another talk by President Uchtdorf called "Forget Me Not").
I finally feel like I am living my life each day knowing WHO I am and WHAT my purpose is in life. It feels great! You can have the same thing too. I promise. If you don't know what I am talking about, ask the missionaries.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Wilson Shimai

Week 23:  Sweet Caroline!!!

It's gettting COLD in Tokyo!  WHOOOOOAAAA!  I'm doing my best to stay warm. my poor companion is a cold i love her sooo much!  Please pray for her. this past week was super hard for her.  She thinks that the work has slowed down because she is the new missionary with me in this area.  I told her that it was the complete opposite!  We had a great talk about it and she got a priesthood blessing from our district leader.  It was sooo beautiful :) Right after the blessing, a senior couple in the English Ward offered all the missionaries to get milk shakes at McDonalds. so we went.  Our whole district was there. We got fries and shakes and there was an earthquake. the building shook but we were ok.  It wasn't massive to us. but we went outside and people were like, "We just had a massive earthquake!".  Missionaries were safe in McDonalds. No coincidence to me that we were safe. 

We then rode our bikes home because it's late and I'm leading everyone home on the streets up hills and stuffs and then we stop at a stop light and say, "KONBANWA!" to these two ladies.  One lady asked me, "Where are you going?" in japanese.  I replied, "To Shibuya! We're going home!" "Where are you from?" "HAWAI'I!"  Then in english she says, "I LOVE Hawai'i!  What are you doing here in Japan? are you an exchange student?" I told her I was a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints!  She looked at my name tag and said, "OH MY GOSH!  I KNOW YOUR CHURCH! MY BEST FRIEND IS A MORMON!!!!!" I was like "really?!?!?!" So we talked for a looong time.  She told me her best friend's name was "churchie" lol :)  Anyways, long story short, we got two new investigators on our bike ride home.  It's such a cool story!  I was so happy that Kubota Shimai got to see God's power working through us as we talked with these two women. They are both Japanese and they are up there in the business world.  One was the business consultant, the other, her assistant.  We invited them to church and she said, "I'm sorry, I would come but we are busy.  I'm throwing a party for Caroline Kennedy." I was like "THE Caroline Kennedy?!" And she was like, "YAH!"  Pfff, oh yah, no big deal..."Sweet Caroliiiiine! ba bump bump bump...." love that song :)  We are meeting with these two women soon!  Can't wait to talk to them more about the gospel!  They want to learn more and they love our teachings and think that EVERYONE needs religion. "Anyone who thinks they don't is ignorant!  I want young people to really get to know your religion!  Come to our next party and I want you ALL to share your story!" So cool!   I was talking to the business consultant the whole time.  I felt like I was in the presence of big power!  She was blinged out in coco chanel :) But the cool thing is, I felt like I've known her my whole life.  She is, what I like to say, an "old friend"!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!  Keep smiling!

Sis. Wilson

Week 21: Changes

Hi, everyone! How are you guys doing?
Ok, that's the most I'll type in Japanese because I am feeling lazy and I don't have enough time! AH! This week was always! I got my NEW companion! Her name is Kubota Shimai! She is from Nagoya! I love her SOOOO MUCH! She is so fun and loving, smart, a hardworker, and has an amazing testimony of the gospel!
We've been working REALLY well together since day 1! Since this is a new transfer (transfer 3 for me! whaaaat?), we made new goals together! One of the goals we have is to try working MORE with our ward. It has been very difficult for us to find new investigators lately. 何で?わかりませんですけど、神様によって、私たちはたくさん人に話すことができる!そして、新しい求道者をみつけられるとしっていますよー!日本語はすごい難しいですけど、だい好き。間違いがあったら、ごめね。毎日がんばりましょー!
What I said was that I even though I do not understand why it has been hard for use to find investigators, I know that through Heavenly Father, we can talk to a lot of people and find new investigators! I also apologized for my mistakes if I have any. Japanese is hard but I love it :)
As a way to achieve our goal, Kubota shimai and I looked at our ward member book, which I did NOT know existed until she asked me for it and we searched high and low for it. It is very old...and I was frustrated at not knowing about this book until NOW.  I will say STRAIGHT UP that it is so much easier to find people if we work through the ward.
Everybody at home, I hope and pray that you are working with the missionaries. You have a missioary responsibility, believe it or not. So please, share the gospel with your friends and family! A lot of us missionaries are NOT from the place we are called to serve. We don't know the neighborhoods or streets like you do. We do not know your friends or family like you do. Straight up, one of our investigators told me that if I was to approach her on the street, she would have flat out rejected me. I feel like this is true for a lot of people, namely your family and friends. Please, share the gospel with these people! You could be the answer to their prayers. 
Think about it:  There are so many people around us that are struggling in life. You have the gospel. Make it easier for them in their lives by sharing with them the true gospel of Jesus Christ! Think about how your life would be if you didn't have the gospel. Then think of your friends and family that don't have it. Can you imagine it? Put yourself in their shoes. I hope that this will open your eyes more to see that you can make a difference in someone's life just by opening your mouth and extending an invitation of love to them. An invitation of love will NEVER seem offensive. I testify that this is true!
Member missionary work is so important. I hope none of you reading this think that missionary work is JUST for the missionaries. FALSE. That is WAY false. We are all missionaries! We need to all be "anxiously engaged in a good cause!" We need to unite our hearts together and move forward! "Brethren, shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward! Courage, brethren! And on, on to the victory! Let you hearts rejoice and be exceedingly glad!" (Doctrine and Covenants 128:22).
Unite with us in this great cause! Get to know your missionaries in your ward. Pray for them by NAME. Ask them about their investigators. Pray for them BY NAME.  We are commanded from this past conference to do so.  Keep God's commandments.  Be obedient.  Do these things and I promise the the blessings of Heaven will pour out upon you and your families.  Be bold!  Share the gospel with anyone and everyone.  Strengthen Zion!  Establish peace in your home and in the lives of others!  Be an example of the believers!  There are only 80,000 something missionaries in the world.  Our numbers alone cannot reach out to the 7 BILLION people in the world.  But with 15 MILLION members, we can ALL make it happen!  We can make the gospel spread like a fire that cannot extinguish!  Be united with me and all the 80,000 missionareis in the world in this great cause!
I pray that each one of us can fan the flame of our faith by earnestly seeking for God's divine help to have the courage and strength to share the gospel with others. この福音はしんじつだとしっています。そして、イエスキリストがみなのすくいうしだとしっています!イエスキリストのみなによって明かしします。アメン。

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Week 20: "Where Love Is"

Week 20:  "Where Love Is"

Hi, Everybody! Last week, I shared a lot of personal things but I felt inspired to do so :) I enjoy honesty and trust. So, in this blog, I am honest in all that I say and share my testimony of.

This past week, I felt TRUE JOY. I really felt the love of my Savior in such a simple way. The scriptures say that the Lord will use the small and simple things to confound the wise. But I testify that it is also by small and simple things that the Lord raises the broken hearted souls and brings to life the saddened lives of all of God's children.

I went to dinner last night with a family in my ward, the Ikeda family. We had two investigators, a less-active member, us missionaries, our recent convert, Yooko Shimai, and the Ikeda family all crammed into their small cozy home. We all sat around the table on the floor and ate food together. It wouldn't seem extra special to just any person but to me, it was one of the most tender moments I have ever had. I sat on the floor and looked at everyone in the room. I just felt so much love for all the people in the room. The room was full of people that I truly love! I have been so blessed to come into the lives and to have them let me in. They all expressed their love for me, too. Each person told me they loved me. I then realized that they don't love me for the way I look or how much I weigh or for what I wear. They love me FOR ME. And I realized that my Savior loves me for ME, too :)
I have been so touched by their love for me and their love for our Savior. I looked at everyone and felt incredible joy! I felt like I was at "home". "Where love is, there God is also..."

This was just simple thing but my heart was so full. I walked home with my companion and was so overwhelmed with the Love I felt at that moment. I looked at my companion and told her "my heart is full!" She felt the same way. We walked to our home and stopped in front of the door and started to cry. I have NEVER felt this much joy! It was because of the hardships and trials I have had that I could feel TRUE joy. This is the work of our Savior! This is the work and glory! And I feel extremely blessed to be apart of it! I love being a missionary :)

Look for simple things in your life that bring you joy. And tell me about it! I want to know what the Lord has done to bless your life! I love you all! I know that He lives!

Love always,

Wilson Shimai

Week 19: Testimony of Self!

This is personal. It's gonna be a testimony of self.

This past general conference, Elder Nelson talked about the human body. He plainly shared his testimony of God's gift to us: our human bodies. Our bodies are INCREDIBLE. It has the power to heal broken bones and cuts. When we get sick, our bodies build up defenses to fight off the illness. Our bodies have the capacity to create other bodies for God's children to house their Spirit's in. Our bodies have the ability to see God's creations, hug other people, make joyful sounds like laughing and speak kind words, etc. Our bodies are INCREDIBLE.

I have been struggling a lot with my own body and being comfortable with who I am. I am in Japan. I love this place! But since I have been here, I have been struggling with how different I am from everyone else - different physically. I am Samoan, Hawaiian, Japanese, German, and French. There is NO way that I am supposed to be a stick or as thin as a pencil. I was born different. And for me, that has been a huge challenge. I was starting to degrade who I was. I didn't realize that being different is NOT wrong. There is NOTHING wrong with being different. It's ok! But I didn't know that until recently.

Because I wasn't appreciating myself or loving myself, I wasn't eating as much. I was so concerned about my weight and about losing it, I refused to eat as much. Because of it, I had a hard time getting up to do missionary work. I felt horrible mentally, spiritually, and physically. I cried a lot and felt so discouraged all because I didn't love myself.

I got a letter from my parents telling me how much they love me for me! Their love and support has made a HUGE impact in my life! But another great person who has been telling me this WHOLE time they love me for ME is my Heavenly Father. This past week, I received a letter from my Dad. In it, he said ""please, know that you are a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father and he has made you different than others so they can enjoy who you really are!" I not only heard the voice of my dad saying this to me, but the voice of my Heavenly Father sweetly telling me that this is true!

I am different and I am learning each and everyday to celebrate my differences! It is ok. I am still struggling with negative thoughts of about myself but I am learning more and more that Heavenly Father would NEVER tell me that I am fat, useless, unworthy of love or guidance. Heavenly Father would NEVER tell me that and He would never tell YOU that.

I am gaining a stronger and stronger testimony of our Heavenly Father! He Lives! He literally is the Father of our Spirits. He has a divine plan for EACH of His children. None slip out of His radar. We are loved by Him Always! Whether we feel like we deserve it or not, it is just simply there. I know that these challenges I am having are a part of mortality. I hope and pray that one day, maybe today, this experience can help someone right now, or in the future. I love you all! Have a great week! You are LOVED!

Love always,

Wilson Shimai